Hip Arthrogram MRI Experience

Hello to whoever has stumbled upon this!

I recently had a Hip Arthrogram MRI and wanted to share my experience as there didn't seem to be a lot of info about this procedure online and a lot of what I did find were negative experiences/horror stories. I'm hoping this will calm your nerves if you have to have this done and help prepare you for what to expect. Your experience may also vary some depending on where you have this done and who is doing it. 

An arthrogram is where they inject contrast dye directly into a joint to be able to see specific injuries better (I think more specifically joint injuries). I think in my case they were trying to rule out a labrum tear in my hip. They use some sort of imagining to see where your joint is so they know where to inject and to make sure they are in the right place. For me, they used some sort of CT scan. The machine looked like a donut and it had a small screen on the front where I think they could see the joint. 

I had to wear a hospital style gown and actually had to take off my underwear due to it obstructing where they do the injection. What surprised me is that your hip joint is more in the front near your groin not on the outside side of your leg like I had thought. I guess that's a common misconception. They tried to keep me as covered as possible as to not expose all my lady bits which was nice. 

First, the nurses/techs? (honestly not sure who exactly they were) had to do some imaging to find out where my hip joint was. I had to lay on this table/bed as they moved me in and out of the machine which showed them where my joint was. They then marked the spot they were going to do the injection with a marker. Then the radiologist came in and explained the procedure. The radiologist was the one actually doing the procedure. I was so fortunate to have a really awesome radiologist. I really think that is what made all the difference in my experience. He was very personable and really good at calming my nerves. I was honestly terrified at the thought of having a needle stuck in my hip joint. It sounded awful and very painful. I tried to not come off as being super nervous but I feel like the radiologist could probably tell. Don't be like me and instead be upfront about how you are feeling. I think it helps them to know that you are nervous so they can change their approach. 

For the procedure you are laying down, so you can't really see what they are doing which is nice. First the radiologist cleaned and prepped the area with some sort of cleaning solution. Then I think he put some sort of drape or covering over the area with a hole in the middle to make a sterile work surface. Then he numbed the area with a shot of I think lidocaine. He let me know when he was about to do it. It hurt a little but it was totally bearable. It mostly felt like burning as the numbing solution went in. I think he had to inject numbing at least a couple of different places. I could then feel the area go numb which was an odd feeling. Next, he put the needle in my joint. I don't remember him telling me he was doing it, I think he just did it which was nice, I think the anticipation of knowing it was about to happen would have made it worse. I don't remember feeling the needle go in. Once the needle was in, he had to do some more imaging to make sure he was in the right spot before injecting the contrast. At this point, it started to hurt. I could feel the needle in my joint and it wasn't pleasant. It wasn't sharp or excruciating or anything where I felt like I was going to jump off the table and couldn't handle it. It felt very similar actually to the chronic groin pain I have, more intense achiness if that makes any sense. I remember telling him it was hurting pretty bad and he said the contrast solution also had numbing stuff in it so that should help. Once he felt he was in the right spot, he began injecting the contrast. I didn't feel anything other than a little cold. I read accounts of people feeling pressure, fullness, or tightness as the solution is being injected but I didn't feel any of that, just a cold sensation. Once he was done injecting the contrast, he pulled the needle out quickly without warning. It was definitely a shock. Kinda similar to ripping off a band-aid but not quite the same feeling. The radiologist told me he doesn't warn people before pulling the needle out because they tense up and then it hurts worse. It was over very quick and once the needle was out, I didn't feel anything. All in all the procedure maybe took 5-10 minutes? Once the radiologist started It didn't take very long. I was really scared I wouldn't be numb enough and I would feel the needle being inserted but I didn't. 

They put a band-aid on me and then I went and changed my clothes for the MRI. I was allowed to wear the clothes I wore to the appointment as they did not contain any metal. I did have some pain and difficulty putting my shorts on as lifting my leg with the contrast a certain way hurt, but I managed and then went pretty immediately to have the MRI. The MRI itself was very easy. You lay on a table in this long tube that is open on both ends. They taped my feet together inward for this particular test. The only thing you have to do is just lay there and not move for about 15 minutes. The machine makes a lot of loud and weird noises but nothing hurts. It was actually very odd because I could feel where they injected the contrast get warm and start vibrating when they took certain images. If you are a naturally cold person like me, ask for a blanket. 

I felt fine after the procedure. I was able to drive myself home with no issues. I was a little sore afterwards but nothing bad and lifting my leg a certain way a couple of days after was painful. Putting pants or shorts on or off was difficult and kind of painful. It's been almost 3 days since the procedure and I feel fine. I haven't had any bruising at the site or any crazy side effects. I feel mostly back to normal. 

MRI With Contrast Experience

So recently this past Friday I had an MRI with contrast and figured I would write about my experience to help give others insight on what the procedure was like. Before I had my MRI, I had attempted to research other experiences from people who had had an MRI with contrast and I didn't find as much as I was hoping to. I hope my experience helps those of you who may have to have an MRI in the near future. Please keep in mind that I am not a doctor, and furthermore, every facility is different, so your experience may vary somewhat from mine.

Sometime within the last month I had an ultrasound that showed a large mass on my liver. My doctor thought that the mass was more than likely fat, but was not 100% sure, so she wanted me to have an MRI done on my liver to see exactly what the mass was.

Every MRI procedure is different depending on the location that is being looked at. When I called and scheduled my appointment, I was told that I could not eat or drink anything including water for 4 hours before my appointment. I was also told to get there early. My appointment was at 3:30pm but they told me to get there at 2:50pm I guess in case I needed to fill out any paperwork or what have you.

So fast forward to the day of my appointment. I was a little nervous, because I had never had an MRI with contrast before and did not know if the contrast was going to hurt or what it would feel like. Contrast is a dye that is injected into your body before or during the MRI that makes the images clearer. I was called back at 3:30 and was led into a small room that had lockers for me to store all of my belongings in. The technician who did my IV looked me over and asked me about any metal I may have had on my body as you cannot wear anything metal during the MRI. I wore a sports bra, yoga pants, and T shirt, none of which had metal, so I was able to keep all of my clothes on. I would definitely recommend wearing a sports bra.  I was also able to keep my various ear piercings in as my jewelry is implant grade titanium which is nonmagnetic. If you have body jewelry that may get in the way of the site being MRI'd, you will have to remove it, so keep that in mind. I removed my nipple bars prior and put retainers in so that they would not close up.

I was then taken to another small room where the technician took my blood pressure and vitals. She asked me some questions about my overall health, and then proceeded to start my IV which is where the contrast is injected. She asked me about my veins and I told her I have bad veins that are deep and hard to find, so she ended up doing my IV on my hand, which I was thankful for because I only had to get stuck once versus my usual 2, 3, or 4 times when I get blood drawn. If you know you have bad veins or know that they usually have a hard time drawing your blood, I would let the technician know because it could save you a lot of pain. Now I've heard that having an IV done on your hand hurts worse than on your arm because there are supposedly more nerve endings on your hand, but I actually found it much less painful than my arm. The pain of have the IV put in was very minimal. It really was not bad like I was expecting it to be. It was very quick and did not hurt much. Once my IV was in place, I was sent to wait in another area by the MRI room. Another technician called me back after a few minutes and set me  up for my MRI. He was great, and I truly believe that having an awesome technician like I did makes all the difference in your experience.

I had to lay down on this long bed. A pillow was placed under my legs propping my feet up. I was given something in my left hand to squeeze in case I needed the technician to stop the test for whatever reason. The technician hooked up some machine that delivers the contrast into my IV on my right hand. For my particular test, I had to take deep breaths and on the inhale, hold my breaths for long periods of time while the pictures were being taken. The tech made me do some practice breathing. I was told to wiggle my toes once I had taken the deep breath and that would be when the tech would start taking the pictures. I was given headphones that the tech spoke through during the test to tell me when to breathe and how to breathe. The bed I was laying on was then moved back into the MRI machine. The machine is this long tube that is open on both ends. It was kinda snug, but wasn't too bad. I was able to see the light coming in from behind me, which actually made me feel less claustrophobic. During the exam the tech was constantly asking me if I felt okay and how I was doing. He made sure to guide me through the whole process.

The test lasted about half an hour. The machine may vibrate some and will make some really loud, weird noises, but nothing should hurt. The machine just takes pictures of your body. The tech first took pictures without the contrast, and then told me when he was putting the contrast through my IV. I could feel the contrast going in; it felt very cold, but did not hurt. It made my hand and arm feel really cold. There was also cold air blowing inside of the MRI machine which also made me freezing. After the test, the tech took the IV out of my hand and wrapped my hand in a bandage. I then went and grabbed my belongings out of the locker and waited up front for a copy of my pictures on a disk to give to my doctor. I felt no negative side effects from the contrast, I was able to drive myself home. I felt completely fine after the test. From the time I was called back to the time I left it was no more than an hour.

The procedure was much easier than I was expecting. If you have to have a MRI with contrast, don't sweat it. It really isn't bad. If you are nervous, bring someone with you for support. If you are claustrophobic, talk to your doctor before hand about being sedated for the procedure or getting a mild sedative to help you relax. I hope my experience helps put you at ease at least somewhat and gives you a little bit more insight on what the procedure is like. If you have any further questions, do not hesitate to leave a comment below.

Bad day.

I realize that it has been almost two years since I had last posted a blog. I always tell myself I am going to post more often, and I promise it will happen. I have another blog in the works, but this one is going to come first as I have some things that happened today that I need to get off my chest.

Today was one of those days where I felt like shit. Today started out great and then took two turns for the worst. Today, my parents went down to Tampa to visit my grandma and dad's brother as my grandma is not doing well health wise. I stayed home to dog sit. My mom didn't want to go and kept trying get out of going but I eventually talked her into it. (I really wanted that alone time haha). I'll be going down there in about a week and a half to visit when I see Underoath on the 18th. While my parents were gone, I made this super delicious baked spaghetti. Now, my track record for baking things other than sweets is not great. I have had more failures than successes. This one actually turned out amazing. I was shocked. One of the best things I have ever made if I do say so myself. It was so good. I made a huge batch, enough for my parents and I for the next couple of days. I was excited for my parents to eat it. I was thinking they could eat it for dinner when they got back from Tampa. I called them this evening to ask when they would be coming home. I told them about the really awesome baked spaghetti I had made. My parents said they were going to stop at Cracker Barrel for dinner. I got somewhat upset or peeved if you will and here's why. My birthday was a few weeks ago and we had yet to go out to eat for my birthday dinner. It had always been one excuse after another with my mom. It was either she didn't feel like it, or that she had to shower, do her hair and make up and it was going to take too long. I kept telling her that I was not putting any effort into getting ready and told her that it didn't matter what she looked like because we were not going to see anyone we know. I've been asking her a lot recently about going out to eat for my birthday dinner and she keeps saying no but that we will soon.

So anyway, I wasn't really thinking and I told them that I was upset that they were going to eat without me and brought up not going out to eat for my birthday yet. There was other stuff said but I can't think straight enough to remember it all right now. So that phone conversation ended and then a few minutes later my dad had called me back and said now my mom didn't want to go to Cracker Barrel because I was mad I think he said because I was going to be upset at her for not eating the food that I had made. I finally told him to do whatever they wanted. I said if you want to eat out that's fine, you can eat my pasta tomorrow. It got to the point where it's like whatever, it's not worth fighting anymore over. The big issue was that apparently my mom had not eaten since that morning and she is diabetic. However, it is pretty characteristic for her not to eat. She never eats lunch and has eaten late dinners on multiple occasions.

So my parents got home, and my dad was notably pissed off at me. I think the reason why was because sometimes my mom gets in these moods where she won't eat and she changed her mind about going to Cracker Barrel because of me resulting in them not going. So my dad starts going off on me. First he says I have two good things to say and one bad thing to say. I honestly had no idea what was coming. It was kind of weird the way he started it out. So the two good things were something about him thanking me for watching the dogs for him and my mom. The bad thing was related to my attitude over the phone with him and my mom. Apparently according to my parents I gave off the vibe that I was going to be very upset with them if they ate out. I told them that that wasn't my intention to come off that way. I mean yeah I was somewhat upset, as stated above but at the end of the day it's whatever. So my dad kept going on and on about my attitude and told me that I have a habit of doing these kinds of things (which cut deep, might I add.) My parents went on about how they never go out by themselves and wanted to do a date night to be able to spend some time alone. To be honest, the thought never crosses my mind because my parents never go out on dates. I can't remember one date that my parents have ever been on. Ever since my mom got sick, she stays at home 99% of the time. My mom was like you need to think before you say things. I don't know. I can't remember everything that was said. I just remember feeling so small. Things that hadn't even crossed my mind were now flooding my thoughts, making me feel even more like shit.

So they didn't stop and get food along the way. At the end of our lovely conversation, my dad said he was going to get BBQ and left the house. That really pissed me off because I had the pasta that I had made.  I know he did it on purpose to make me feel bad. He even told me that he may or may not eat my pasta tomorrow. I will admit that there are times where I do fight with my mom just to fight with her. Sometimes I will get smart or snarky with her. The reason being that I still have hate and resentment towards her that stems from my childhood. The whole situation was weird, but it made me feel so bad. Even now writing this I feel like shit. I feel like there is a knot in my chest. I hate being made to feel this way, especially as an adult. Unfortunately, this isn't the only thing that happened tonight.

So my mom got a new dog about a year ago. It's a toy poodle, but she's really tiny. She's about 10 pounds. She's really feisty and has a lot of energy so sometimes I play with her. Well tonight was no different than any other, I started out by dragging her with a small towel where she will grab one end and pull and I will pull on the other end. I wasn't doing anything to hurt her. So then I grabbed one of her stuffed toys and threw it across the room for her to fetch it. I threw it once and she brought it back. I threw it again, and as she turned around and started running to go get it, I hear her yelping really loud and saw her start limping. I honestly don't know what happened. I didn't touch her, I only threw her toy. Her leg looked really bad. She was holding one of her back legs up and couldn't walk. My mom looked at me for an explanation. I told her about me throwing her toy and then kept reiterating that I did not touch her. My mom was in hysterics. This dog means so much to her. She was so upset, bawling her eyes out. I didn't know what to do. She told me that I was playing too rough with her which was far from the truth. This dog is constantly running around like a maniac, sometimes jumping on and off the couches and running laps around the loveseat. I'm really hoping she's okay. I took her up to my dad. We put her on the floor and she was walking okay. She had a slight limp in her back leg, but it was nothing like it was when the accident occurred. I guess we will see tomorrow if it's something serious or not. I just kept getting shit on tonight. These area all reasons why I can't wait to move into my own place. There will be no more pointless drama. I won't feel bad anymore. No more fighting with my parents. No more of my parents making me feel like crap. Just me being able to live my life in peace and being able to do what I want and not have to worry about my parents yelling at me. Unfortunately it won't happen for a while because I am jobless and am still paying off my car and student loans. I need time to heal and I don't think it's going to happen at home with my parents.

life ramblings

The post I just posted was from a couple of months ago. I just never got around to posting it, or finishing it for that matter. Damn, so much has been going on in my life recently, and not much of it has been good. I know I say this in every post, but I really don't know where to start.
For starters, I've been really sick this last month. It started at the end of April with my throat hurting really bad. I went to Care Spot and they gave me some antibiotics. I guess my throat infection turned into a sinus infection because I became really congested and stuffy. Then a couple of weeks ago, I went to the beach for the first time in months, and the day after, I noticed my ear hurting. I went back to care spot, and the doctor said it looked really red, and determined it was an ear infection. Then this past Friday I went to Denny's with a couple of friends and got food poisoning. I woke up that night with the worst stomach pain and diarrhea. I've been sitting on the couch all weekend watching the X Games, feeling like crap. It has literally been one thing after another. It's weird because I never get sick.

So, I got hired at Children's Home Society as a Case Manager. I thought that was what I wanted, until training. Training has made me totally second guess myself. This job is a lot, and it's going to be difficult. We've been covering interviewing for information the last few days and the practice interviews we've been doing have been killing me. I feel like I never know the right things to ask. To some people in my training class it just seems to come so naturally. Also, I am terrible with kids. It's not that I want to be or try to be. I'm just really bad around kids. I never know what to say to them, or how to engage them in conversation. I feel like I just freeze up when I am around them. I don't want to be that way, but I don't know how to be more kid friendly.

We did these role plays and I was the interviewer. The person I was interviewing was a 9 year old kid who was really aggressive and was breaking everything in her foster parent's house. I didn't even know where to begin. She obviously had put a wall up between me and her and she wasn't going to open up to me. I asked her about the last time she got to visit with her mom and she got angry and said her mom did not show up for the last visit. I didn't know what to say to that. I'm sorry is not going to cut it. It sucks that this is the reality for some kids. I'm sure she felt worthless and unlovable. But what could I say to change that? I felt like a failure. I am really afraid that I am going do a home visit and miss the signs. I'm afraid I am not going to ask the right questions, and end up missing something important. What also plays against me is that I look young and I have no kids. How can I tell someone that they are being a bad parent or give parenting advice when I don't have any kids myself? I'm afraid people are not going to want to take me seriously or listen to me.

Finally posting this.

I've been putting off/been too tired to write this blog. It's something that I've needed to write for a few weeks, maybe even a month now, but just haven't been able to quite find the right words to describe what has been going on. So much has been going on in my life, and I am going to do my best to put it all into words.

I've been going through a mental breakdown I guess you could say. I don't really know what to call it, but I have been fighting a mental battle that I don't know I can win. Recently, within the last couple of months, I've been suffering from sleep insomnia. I have never felt more exhausted or drained in all of my life, and yet I can't sleep. I wake up so unbearably tired, dragging all day at my internship, and at night I can't sleep. There's no reason why I cannot go to bed earlier. Since I only have my internship, I don't have anything to do most nights of the week. I just can't sleep. I lay in bed for what feels like forever trying to fall asleep and it just doesn't happen. It's like I'm so tired, I'm wide awake. It reminds me of those lock ins we used to have at church. There comes a point where you are so tired that you are wide awake. There have been points where I have almost fallen asleep at my internship. This really scares me. I am only getting on average maybe 5 hours a night if that and I just can't do it anymore. Every day it is the same thing. I don't know what to do at this point. If only falling asleep was that easy.

I've also been mentally struggling with depression and religion. The religion part I could probably write a whole post about, but I will try to keep it short and add it to this post. I don't even know if what I have been feeling would be depression, or what it is, but I've been feeling weird. I've been feeling really irritable and jittery. Like my mind keeps racing all over the place. It's definitely not a good feeling. Maybe it is depression? I'm not really sure what to call it but it has been killing me every day for at least the past month, maybe two. Even my mom told me I haven't been acting myself recently and that she was worried about me.

I think part of this comes from the struggle I've having with life in general. I still don't really know where I am at religion wise or in the direction I want my life to go. I really want to just do my own thing and just be a good person and not worry about sinning or living the way Christians are supposed to live. Sometimes I just want to forget religion all together. I've always been a goody two shoes all my life, and it had nothing to do with religion. I feel like I am supposed to act or behave certain ways because it what Jesus/the Bible tells us to do, but that has never been why I act the way I do. I just believe in being a good person, not because religion says, but just because it is the right thing to do.

I've also become overly obsessed with Teen Wolf and it's really bad. I have to watch myself when it comes to getting obsessed with things, because it takes over my mind and my life and ends up making me really depressed. It's hard to explain. I was so excited last Monday because Monday's are when Teen Wolf comes on. I build it up all day and get so excited only to be let down after I watch the episode. It's not that the episode was bad or anything, I just get so obsessed, and then once it's over I bring myself back to reality and think, oh, I have to go to my internship all day tomorrow.

I went into panic mode last Monday after Teen Wolf ended. I had been having a really rough last week at my internship.

Today sucked.

Today was one of those days where everything was going wrong for me. The whole entire day, it was thing after thing. It all started when I woke up. My mom and I had to go to get a rental car at the Toyota place in Sanford and the whole morning my mom bitched me out. It was one thing after another with her. It didn't matter what I said. According to her I had a bad attitude with her and everything I said was mean and nasty. I didn't say anything to her that was mean or nasty. If I came off that way, that was never my intention. As we were getting off the exit towards the car place, I asked my mom if she knew which way it was because I couldn't remember. She got mad and told me she didn't know, (even though she's been there at least twice). As we are almost there, she starts bitching about me asking her which way to turn off the exit. She said I asked her in a nasty, mean tone and that I was yelling at her. That was not true whatsoever. I never once raised my voice at her and I didn't say it in a mean way. As she got out of the car she told me "I hope you have a better day than the one I'm having." and slammed the door. I don't know what the deal was with her this morning, but she was not happy with me for some reason.

I ended up just dropping her off at the car place because I had to go get drug tested for my internship and was behind on my hours. I waited over an hour and a half to get drug tested, and came to find out I checked the wrong box on the sign-in sheet so that's why they never called me back. They apparently don't have a box for drug testing. I check the specimen drop off box thinking that meant drug test, but no, that means just dropping the specimen off not collecting it there.

So then I totally forgot about my volunteer ucf meeting at school. I was working on certifying a bunch of letters for a co-worker and forgot about the meeting. I get a call at 2:35 from my director, (the meeting was at 2:30), and I played it off like I was about to text her that I wasn't coming. It's just been so crazy these last couple of days. My schedule has been thrown off and I just completely forgot.

Then I got stuck watching two kids at work. They had gotten out of school before their mom was supposed to come to the office for their visit so they were stuck at the office. These kids were so loud. They would not listen to a word I said. They took off and started running around the building, screaming and yelling. The people I work with were getting mad at me because I couldn't control them. I was keeping them in the kitchen but they wouldn't stay. They kept taking off and running around the office screaming, and I couldn't get them to stop. I honestly don't know what I could have done to handle that situation better. Nothing I tried worked.

So then their mom finally came and it was time for their visit. I assumed it was a supervised visit, so I stayed in the room. I thought I was supposed to be watching the visit, and plus the kids asked me to stay, but I guess I wasn't supposed to or didn't have to. After about 5 or so minutes their mom was like "Do you have to be in here? This is my time with my kids and I don't want you in here if you aren't supposed to be or don't have to be. You didn't even introduce yourself." I guess I should have formally introduced myself (I had my tag on) and asked first, but I didn't think about it. I just assumed that I was supposed to be supervising the visit. The mom was not happy with me. I'm hoping she didn't mention anything to the case worker because I don't want to get in trouble.

I left work early after that incident because I was done for the day. I figured I could just work on my child study at home, so I didn't need to stay at the office. I just felt like I really messed up today.

I got home, and my mom was still upset about this morning. I didn't know what to say. I have nothing to apologize for.

I am really just hoping tomorrow is better because today sucked. It's just been one of those days.

Just one of those days.

It's hard to describe it, but it's just a good day for me to write a blog post. I'm just in the mood to write and get some things off my chest. There's been a lot on my mind recently. This break has been much needed. It's given me a chance to get my life back in order and to slow down a bit. Right now it's late, and I'm sitting on my bed with my cat next to me, listening to Silverstein.

I can't believe Christmas is already over, and I am about to start my last semester as an Undergrad. I remember starting college with no idea of what the hell I wanted to do with my life, and now I know exactly what I want to do, and I am working towards getting to where I want to be, which is awesome.

I really miss my brother, a lot. I had my hopes up that he was coming for Christmas, but once again was let down. I sent him a facebook message asking him about it like a week or 2 before and he never responded. I saw that he had read my message, so I know he got it. I messaged him again a night or two before and he said he would call us, and that was Christmas afternoon. I don't think he ever did call. It's always the same thing every year. I don't know why I thought this year would be different. I just want him here. I'm tired of having a brother that I never see or speak to. I love him more than anything and I think about him all the time. I just want to put my arms around him and never let go. I want him in my life so bad.

Taylor and her boyfriend are down here staying at my house for the weekend. They're down here for some hardcore festival that started today and ends tomorrow. I have a feeling the reason she asked me about cheap hotels in the area is because she wanted me to offer to let her stay at my house for the weekend. It's been interesting, let's put it that way. Maybe more so awkward than interesting. Her boyfriend seems really nice. They seem to be a perfect fit for each other. I was freaking out because as soon as he gets out of the car, I see him light up a cigarette and smoke outside my house. I was so scared that my parents were going to see him or that the smell was going to follow him into the house. My parents were already not too keen on him even staying since they didn't know him, so that's all I needed was our new house to smell like smoke and my parents be pissed off.

I feel like I haven't been able to spend practically any time with Taylor. She's been glued to her boyfriend this whole time. They've been on their phones showing each other friend's pics/videos on instagram. It's been awkward around them because they've just been talking to each other about mutual friends or whatever, and I feel left out of their convos. It doesn't help that I'm introverted, because I can never think of anything to talk about. It was super awkward when Taylor left to go to the bathroom while we were at Steak N Shake, because I was left alone with her boyfriend, and he was just staring at his phone the whole time. I couldn't for the life of me think of anything to talk about with him and he never initiated any conversation, so I just sat there awkwardly.

I also never realized how much pot Taylor smoked. I wonder if she's always smoked this much and just played it off like she didn't or what, but her car reeked of pot and she was smoking it behind my house last night. I remember that one time I came to her house and she was smoking it and she told me she knew it was bad, and that she only did it when she was really stressed out. I feel like she's changed. Either that, or I've changed. Or maybe both of us have changed. I'm not really sure which it is. I feel like it's just hard to hang out with her. Not as in she's a horrible person or anything like that, it's just we never have anything to talk about when we're together. It's never really fun to hang out with her because we don't have much in common I guess. It reminds me of my relationship with Heather. It's the same thing.

It's crazy because when I'm hanging out with one of my social work friends, I always have a good time. In fact, I have the time of my life. I feel like I am more of myself around my social work friends. I feel like I always have things to talk about with them and they just seem to get me better than anyone else does. I'm reminded of the homecoming game. I went with Heather and her roommate, and was not having a good time. We were just sitting there quietly and awkwardly. I left halfway through to go sit with a few social work friends and had a blast. We were laughing and having a great time. Taylor and Heather think I am super shy, when in fact it's just because when I'm with them, I have a hard time connecting with them or finding things to talk about. I just click so well with my social work friends. The difference is like night and day.

That's really all I have to say tonight.

Goodnight.