It's hard to describe it, but it's just a good day for me to write a blog post. I'm just in the mood to write and get some things off my chest. There's been a lot on my mind recently. This break has been much needed. It's given me a chance to get my life back in order and to slow down a bit. Right now it's late, and I'm sitting on my bed with my cat next to me, listening to Silverstein.
I can't believe Christmas is already over, and I am about to start my last semester as an Undergrad. I remember starting college with no idea of what the hell I wanted to do with my life, and now I know exactly what I want to do, and I am working towards getting to where I want to be, which is awesome.
I really miss my brother, a lot. I had my hopes up that he was coming for Christmas, but once again was let down. I sent him a facebook message asking him about it like a week or 2 before and he never responded. I saw that he had read my message, so I know he got it. I messaged him again a night or two before and he said he would call us, and that was Christmas afternoon. I don't think he ever did call. It's always the same thing every year. I don't know why I thought this year would be different. I just want him here. I'm tired of having a brother that I never see or speak to. I love him more than anything and I think about him all the time. I just want to put my arms around him and never let go. I want him in my life so bad.
Taylor and her boyfriend are down here staying at my house for the weekend. They're down here for some hardcore festival that started today and ends tomorrow. I have a feeling the reason she asked me about cheap hotels in the area is because she wanted me to offer to let her stay at my house for the weekend. It's been interesting, let's put it that way. Maybe more so awkward than interesting. Her boyfriend seems really nice. They seem to be a perfect fit for each other. I was freaking out because as soon as he gets out of the car, I see him light up a cigarette and smoke outside my house. I was so scared that my parents were going to see him or that the smell was going to follow him into the house. My parents were already not too keen on him even staying since they didn't know him, so that's all I needed was our new house to smell like smoke and my parents be pissed off.
I feel like I haven't been able to spend practically any time with Taylor. She's been glued to her boyfriend this whole time. They've been on their phones showing each other friend's pics/videos on instagram. It's been awkward around them because they've just been talking to each other about mutual friends or whatever, and I feel left out of their convos. It doesn't help that I'm introverted, because I can never think of anything to talk about. It was super awkward when Taylor left to go to the bathroom while we were at Steak N Shake, because I was left alone with her boyfriend, and he was just staring at his phone the whole time. I couldn't for the life of me think of anything to talk about with him and he never initiated any conversation, so I just sat there awkwardly.
I also never realized how much pot Taylor smoked. I wonder if she's always smoked this much and just played it off like she didn't or what, but her car reeked of pot and she was smoking it behind my house last night. I remember that one time I came to her house and she was smoking it and she told me she knew it was bad, and that she only did it when she was really stressed out. I feel like she's changed. Either that, or I've changed. Or maybe both of us have changed. I'm not really sure which it is. I feel like it's just hard to hang out with her. Not as in she's a horrible person or anything like that, it's just we never have anything to talk about when we're together. It's never really fun to hang out with her because we don't have much in common I guess. It reminds me of my relationship with Heather. It's the same thing.
It's crazy because when I'm hanging out with one of my social work friends, I always have a good time. In fact, I have the time of my life. I feel like I am more of myself around my social work friends. I feel like I always have things to talk about with them and they just seem to get me better than anyone else does. I'm reminded of the homecoming game. I went with Heather and her roommate, and was not having a good time. We were just sitting there quietly and awkwardly. I left halfway through to go sit with a few social work friends and had a blast. We were laughing and having a great time. Taylor and Heather think I am super shy, when in fact it's just because when I'm with them, I have a hard time connecting with them or finding things to talk about. I just click so well with my social work friends. The difference is like night and day.
That's really all I have to say tonight.
Goodnight.
No comments:
Post a Comment