I’ve been in a really weird mood recently. It’s hard to
describe what I’m feeling, but I don’t like these feelings. What I want to talk
about are things that I have been struggling with in regards to religion and
social work, and even life itself. Sarah and I a little while back had this
conversation about being Christian and being in social work. We never really
reached a conclusion. What I want to talk about kind of goes off of that. I’m
sorry if this goes all over the place. So much is going through my mind.
I feel obligated since I am in social work to be preachy. I
feel like my job should be faith related, and that in my job I should be trying
to bring people to Christ. But to be totally honest, that is not what I want to
do at all. I’ve been doing a lot of research and reading a lot of articles
online that have talked about how all Christians are supposed be in some sort
of ministry. I even read a story about a girl who was going to be on Broadway.
She was really into theatre and said she prayed about finding God’s will for
her life and said she felt called to be a missionary and preach the Gospel in
other parts of the world instead so now that is what she is doing. She put her
dreams of being on Broadway on hold to become a missionary. I just wonder if it
is wrong for a Christian to have a non-Christian job such as being a baker or
being a mechanic. Does everyone have to have some job where they are preaching
to people? Can people not follow their dreams even if their dreams by no means
relate to Christianity?
What makes me the most ecstatic is helping others. I get
overjoyed when I see people helping others. That’s honestly what makes me the
happiest. It gives me this feeling that I can’t describe. I want to spend the
rest of my life serving others, but I don’t care about preaching to people or
bringing people to Christ. I know that sounds horrible, but it is true. I want
to live in a world where everyone is respectful of other’s beliefs. I feel like
I want people to find their own happiness. If that happens to be religion, then
great. If it is not religion then great. I've been wondering if Christianity is
for everyone. People can find fulfillment in their lives without religion. I
feel like I shouldn't be feeling this way though. I feel like I should be so
on-fire for Christ that I want to tell everyone about Him and want others to
come to Christianity. I hope this makes sense. I just feel like I am being a
terrible Christian and am sinning for feeling this way.
Going off of that, I feel like I should just be beaming
about Christ all the time. There was a guy that used to go to my college group
at Church that went on a mission trip to somewhere in Europe. He said that the
country he was in was predominately Islamic. He said that there was one day
that he just passed around Bibles to everyone on the street trying to get the
Word of God out to as many people as possible. He said he felt so bad and that
his heart ached because those people did not know Jesus, and were going to go
to Hell. See if was me in that country, I would be the one wanting to learn
more about Islam. I wouldn't care about trying to convert people. Again, I feel
terrible for feeling this way. I feel like I should be wanting to preach to
everyone, but I don’t. I have another friend Zavia, who is always talking about
God. Everything she says is practically about God or Jesus. Everything she
wants to do is God-related. I feel like I should be that way, but I’m not.
That’s what makes me feel bad.
I also really want to encourage people to follow their
dreams, even if they are not related to Christianity. I feel like though, I
should be encouraging people to follow Christ and not their dreams.
Another thing that I want to relate to this is OneRepublic.
After seeing them Friday, I got to thinking. I listened to an interview the
lead singer, Ryan Tedder did about his childhood and Christianity. So Ryan grew
up in Oklahoma and was raised in a very religious household. His parents are
Pentecostal I believe. His dad is a preacher and his aunts and uncles are
missionaries. He was raised by the Church. He said he went to a Christian
college and knew he wanted to write songs and sing but, he was interested in
secular music not Christian music. He said that the college he went to geared
everything towards Christian music. He said if you wanted to go into music, his
college expected it to be Christian music or being a worship leader at a
church. His college was expecting everyone to have a Christian job, but that is
not what he wanted at all. He had always wanted to write secular music. He said
he had seen some things in the Christian music industry that really turned his
stomach. He also said he was not interested in preaching to the quire, he did
not want to just tour churches.
I don’t feel like
there is anything wrong with that. He does what he loves and is most passionate
about which is singing and writing music. The content of his songs are not bad
or dirty. I really love OneRepublic’s music. Ryan also writes songs for
big-name artists. He wrote Beyonce’s song Halo. He’s also wrote songs for
Adele, Gavin Degraw, etc. I don’t feel that there is anything wrong with what
he is doing or the way he is living his life. I read another article that was
in response to the audio interview. It said that he needed to repent of his
sins and come back to God. It also said that he needed to stop writing songs
for people and start writing songs for God which is what God’s will is for him.
I don’t know how to feel about that. Part of me feels like what Ryan is doing
is fine, but the other part of me wonders if I should feel the way the author
of that article did. Ryan doesn't go around preaching to everybody. The songs
he writes are for the most part not related to Christianity whatsoever, but he
is doing what he loves and is good at. No it’s not God-related, but it’s not
bad music.
So many emotions running through me right now. I just want
people to find whatever it is that makes them happy. The whole Ryan thing makes
feel like people can be Christian and not spend their life preaching to people
in their jobs. But like I said, part of me feels like I have to have a
Christian job where my main focus is helping others come to Christ. It is also
a similar situation with the band The Fray. The lead singer is Christian but he
writes secular music. He doesn't go around preaching to people either. I just
don’t know anymore.
There’s more I could write on this, but for now, I am done.
It feels better getting that out.
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